Yesterday in church I was praying about how I’m struggling with not knowing if I will have anywhere to live in September when I get married. My mind went back to my post last week. It’s a fairly dramatic post and probably quite immature.
You see I have a problem with dramatics – I like a good disaster.
I love the rush of adrenaline and pride of “look what I am going through!”. It is so wrong, it is so immature and just plain unhelpful. After my buzz of life shattering panic (much like a sky dive – exhilarating in it’s danger) I am left empty, dangling on a bungee cord, swinging back and forth in some deep ravine, helpless and stuck. Feeling depressed and exhausted.
I saw a picture of myself on Sunday in church. Standing around in filth and rubbish, rubbing it on my skin, smelling all it’s foulness, focusing on the rot and mould around me.
Then I saw a picture of what God wanted to offer me – a clear crisp waterfall, to clean me, strengthen me and refresh me.
This is what I learnt – if I want to feel God’s power, if I want to experience His refreshment and joy, I have to move away from basking in my problems. I cannot be calm in a situation if I study my problems in such detail! I can’t get clear perspective if I am consumed with looking at all that could go wrong.
I need to think about and focus on God, I need to read His instructions for troubles and then I need to LIVE by them, not just forget them.
I need to put the rubbish down, stop standing in it and do what God tells me to do – Trust Him absolutely.
I need to stand in God’s truth.