How I Stopped Worrying about Marriage

Firstly, thank you so much everyone who has commented on my posts about cold feet and dreading my wedding. Your support has overwhelmed me and helped me more than I can say. Thank you!

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So, how am I feeling about my marriage now? Nervous, I am almost 2 months away (I am sure that’s normal!), but I am also feeling peaceful, because I saw where my problems where coming from. For my best effort at describing this I would ask you to read this post here (puppets) if you haven’t already, I’d let things in my life lie dormant in me, ready and waiting to take control of my emotions and sabotage my life.

My first piece of advice if you are worrying over something – go back and pray about things in your past. Don’t dwell or chew over things, but quickly and calmly give them over to God again, let Him cut the ties from your past. Leave them with Him there.

Stop thinking what you are thinking and think about what God says. Seriously, even if you don’t agree with what the bible is saying think about it anyway. Whether or not you understand God is always right. Here’s my example – “Rejoice in the Lord always” I find this hard, confusing and it feels a bit fake – but when I think about the verse and mull it over in my mind it seems to settle my emotions down – so even without agreement God is working through His word. Amazing!

When you know what God wants you to do don’t doubt it – just trust Him and move towards doing it. I took a lot of time to pray and think about if marriage was the right way for me to go at this time in my life and He said yes, strongly, clearly and peacefully. I then started re-evaluating my decisions and that’s where my problems came. Once God says something to you – don’t let the doubts play havoc with your mind!

So here I am calm, peaceful and excited about my marriage! Good bye cold feet 🙂

Anyway, the main point of this post is to say thank you to all of you who took the time to comment, contact me and pray for me. It has been amazing and helped me so much!

photo credit: Tim Forbes via photopin cc

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The Forgotten, Rotten Potato

Yesterday I was so blessed by someone who took the time to share with me some of her testimony, and I saw the power that a transformed life can really, fully and concretely have to change someone else’s life. I thought that I had all my life in order and that I had fully let go of my past, yet this testimony seemed to reach right inside of me and jiggle something buried so deep that only God could know about it. God spoke to me yesterday and showed me the forgotten, rotten potato deep inside me.

A Potato? You ask… Let me explain.

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When I was turning seventeen my friends kept asking me what I wanted for my birthday, and not one for presents in the end I blurted out “A Potato!”. Sure enough on my birthday there arrived a potato, decorated and dressed like a person. I thought it was great, so I took it home and placed it pride of place on my desk. Skip forward to August (my birthday was in September so there’s a fair bit of skipping to be done here). I had gone away for 2 weeks and when I came back my Mum was victoriously regaling the tale of how she had found the source of the smell in my room. My potato had lodged itself somewhere in my room, hidden from sight, months had gone by with no repercussions, but at some point it had started to sprouting, growing and stinking.

Do you know what the worst part is? I didn’t even notice the smell. It’d snuck up so gradually I didn’t notice the change. The rest of my room looked spotless, it was clean and tidy yet there was something hidden from view poisoning the whole area. And I couldn’t see, I had no way of knowing, that it was there.

This brings me back to yesterday, this testimony put a spotlight on the potato hidden in my soul. My forgotten, rotten, festering potato. And just like my Mum was the one to see, find and get rid of the potato of the past, I’m giving this potato straight to my Father in heaven. I honestly don’t know what to do with this, but through reminding me of this situation I can see that my God does! Amazing!

As you read this today I pray that you will be bold to share your testimonies with other people, because they have real power! I also pray that God will dig up any “hidden potatoes” in your soul today or in the coming days. Let’s live in freedom – He died so we could have it!

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Antiseptic Love

 Have you ever met someone who is bitter? Someone who is prickly, the type of person who has been treated badly and uses that as a license to wreak recompense on all who come near. They are miserable, and though the wound which made them this way may have been dealt years ago they are even more controlled by it now than they were then. The hatred, selfishness, cruelty and viciousness that came into them at that time has been left there to fester, grow and corrupt.

Their wound has become infected and is even more painful now than it was at the start.

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I once had a wound that was beginning to become like this; I had been hurt badly by many people when my Dad started trying to kill himself. People abandoned me, took advantage of me and abused me. This was so painful that I would not let anyone near me talk about it, I have even lost most of my memories of those years.

Over time my behaviour started to change, I believed I could ignore people because they would understand how much pain I was in. I thought I was within my rights to demand more from the innocent people around me because of what I had been through. I allowed my pain to turn my care onto myself, I became selfish and in turn inflicted many wounds on other people.

I am so glad to say I am no longer living like that, and if you would like to know a bit more about where I am now take a look here or to read about my life growing up check out this post here.

The secret to how I overcame this is written in Isaiah 58, and I think of it as an Antiseptic Love.

“this is the kind of fasting I want:
Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;
lighten the burden of those who work for you.
Let the oppressed go free,
and remove the chains that bind people.
7 Share your food with the hungry,
and give shelter to the homeless.
 Give clothes to those who need them,
and do not hide from relatives who need your help.

8 “Then your salvation will come like the dawn,
and your wounds will quickly heal.” Isaiah 58:6-8

In this verse is says that before our wounds can quickly heal we have to forget ourselves and focus on making life better for other people.

In simple terms STOP demanding special treatment because you have been hurt, and SEEK OUT GOOD to do for others because you believe that EVENTUALLY you WILL BE HEALED.

Love is the antiseptic which stops bitterness, selfishness and cruelty growing out from your wounds.

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Are there any wounds in your life where you feel you are beginning to become infected? Bring them before God to heal and then leave them there. Distract yourself with other people. Of course, we can’t immediately cure world hunger or give all homeless people homes but we CAN smile at the checkout lady, we CAN ask how a friend is, we CAN give to charity/volunteer/invite people into our homes. Start small and watch the love grow big.

There are SO many blessings to be found walking this way. An example of this in my life is that if I hadn’t started volunteering I would never have met my husband to be.

Obey God, conquer evil with Good, Forget about yourself.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/parapet/1751072828/”>Recovering Sick Soul</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/james_sickmind/5447732257/”>Mitya Kuznetsov</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>