How I Stopped Worrying about Marriage

Firstly, thank you so much everyone who has commented on my posts about cold feet and dreading my wedding. Your support has overwhelmed me and helped me more than I can say. Thank you!

medium_198462342

So, how am I feeling about my marriage now? Nervous, I am almost 2 months away (I am sure that’s normal!), but I am also feeling peaceful, because I saw where my problems where coming from. For my best effort at describing this I would ask you to read this post here (puppets) if you haven’t already, I’d let things in my life lie dormant in me, ready and waiting to take control of my emotions and sabotage my life.

My first piece of advice if you are worrying over something – go back and pray about things in your past. Don’t dwell or chew over things, but quickly and calmly give them over to God again, let Him cut the ties from your past. Leave them with Him there.

Stop thinking what you are thinking and think about what God says. Seriously, even if you don’t agree with what the bible is saying think about it anyway. Whether or not you understand God is always right. Here’s my example – “Rejoice in the Lord always” I find this hard, confusing and it feels a bit fake – but when I think about the verse and mull it over in my mind it seems to settle my emotions down – so even without agreement God is working through His word. Amazing!

When you know what God wants you to do don’t doubt it – just trust Him and move towards doing it. I took a lot of time to pray and think about if marriage was the right way for me to go at this time in my life and He said yes, strongly, clearly and peacefully. I then started re-evaluating my decisions and that’s where my problems came. Once God says something to you – don’t let the doubts play havoc with your mind!

So here I am calm, peaceful and excited about my marriage! Good bye cold feet 🙂

Anyway, the main point of this post is to say thank you to all of you who took the time to comment, contact me and pray for me. It has been amazing and helped me so much!

photo credit: Tim Forbes via photopin cc

Advertisements

Cold Feet

I think it is now time to admit that I have a serious case of cold feet. I get married in 3 months and I am freaked out. A while ago I was worried, now I am petrified (read more here).

Suddenly after all this peaceful time of being engaged and working towards a new life together I am itching to run as fast as I can in the other direction. Molehills, which my rose tinted glasses were hiding, have now turned into mountains eclipsing my view of this wedding; all I can see are faults, my faults and his faults.

I see the look of doubt in people’s eyes as they watch my reaction to marriage, I’ve heard it so many times that I “must be so excited!?!”

But what if I’m not?

medium_2775868047

What if I dread the thought of being tied to a man who can hurt me so badly? What if I am walking into marriage out of obedience to God and not out of the rush of young love? Does that make our relationship doomed to fail?

My past and my present seem blurry and I simply can’t tell if my feelings are rational or irrational.

How does someone without a clear example of how a relationship should work know when they themselves are in a good one?

When does the memory of abuse stop shaping the life that you are now trying to live?

How do you find a voice in a relationship when you don’t know if you are imagining the problems that you have?

And yet I will trust in His unfailing love, I will love because He first love me.

Jesus is my answer, Jesus is my hope.

photo credit: Emery Co Photo via photopin cc

Anyone else get the Wedding Jitters?

Ok, so I have 3 months and 2 days until my wedding day……. I have this massive mixed up knot in my stomach pretty much every time I think about it. My dreams are filling up with invites still not sent, the fact that we still don’t (and may not) have a place to live and pretty much anything wedding related that could go wrong.

When we got engaged I was Ecstatic! It felt so right, so peaceful, so calm. We had started organising early and everything was falling into place. 6 months, 3 hospital trips and dodgy lease paperwork later we are not in the same place. Things are HECTIC! More to the point I am hectic!

So my question to all you experienced bloggers out there is,

Is this normal???

medium_5483577072

I guess the spiral of my thoughts goes like this… Oh no we haven’t sent out the invites yet… What if people don’t turn up?…. Wow money is tight since he hasn’t been working, what if we can’t afford any furniture/food/fees and we end up miserably married?……. Things are looking dodgy with our flat, what if we have to live with my parents for a while? That will put a strain on our relationship!….. We haven’t had any fun quality time throughout this illness, what if when we get married we stop connecting??? What if we aren’t right for each other? Should we even get married when things are so up in the air??? End rant.

Anyway, the sensible part of me knows this is probably normal, I love him, he loves me, we are VERY different but most of the time it works great. But there is the nagging, cold feet inducing worry that maybe we are getting this wrong.

This evening we are being sat down by our pastor to take a marriage test. I kid you not, a marriage test – we pass all is well, we fail and it’s no wedding for us, we can’t be married in our Church.

Scary.

There is no way we can revise, no way of cheating (not that I looked into that or anything…. cough), and in the uncertain words of our pastor we should “pass with flying colours – or I hope so at least”. Hmmm, that’s encouraging!

In the meantime, people, can you help me?!?

Is this Normal?

photo credit: PhotKing ♛ via photopin cc