Cold Feet

I think it is now time to admit that I have a serious case of cold feet. I get married in 3 months and I am freaked out. A while ago I was worried, now I am petrified (read more here).

Suddenly after all this peaceful time of being engaged and working towards a new life together I am itching to run as fast as I can in the other direction. Molehills, which my rose tinted glasses were hiding, have now turned into mountains eclipsing my view of this wedding; all I can see are faults, my faults and his faults.

I see the look of doubt in people’s eyes as they watch my reaction to marriage, I’ve heard it so many times that I “must be so excited!?!”

But what if I’m not?

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What if I dread the thought of being tied to a man who can hurt me so badly? What if I am walking into marriage out of obedience to God and not out of the rush of young love? Does that make our relationship doomed to fail?

My past and my present seem blurry and I simply can’t tell if my feelings are rational or irrational.

How does someone without a clear example of how a relationship should work know when they themselves are in a good one?

When does the memory of abuse stop shaping the life that you are now trying to live?

How do you find a voice in a relationship when you don’t know if you are imagining the problems that you have?

And yet I will trust in His unfailing love, I will love because He first love me.

Jesus is my answer, Jesus is my hope.

photo credit: Emery Co Photo via photopin cc

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12 thoughts on “Cold Feet

  1. praying for you. Does your fiance know about your abuse? God can heal anything and make you whole, He promises hope and to work all things for good, even this.

  2. Maybe it’s time for a few days away for you..to be silent and uninterrupted. A time where you can reflect on the relationship, pray your heart out, search your heart, and wait on the voice of The Lord. I believe that you will find your answer as to whether this upcoming marriage is His will for your life, or if it’s time to part ways. Whether its fear thats giving you cold feet, or if its the Lord saying, “No, Dear, this isn’t my plan for you.” thats causing the cold feet feelings. Either way, you will come to a place of peace..and the cold feet will go away. You’re absolutely right, He is your answer! Prayers and hugs to you, my friend.

  3. Thank you for your honesty. Can you talk openly to him about it (your intended)? My wife was open about her abuse issues with me before we had dated for too long…and were getting serious. Do you feel comfortable being vulnerable enough to ask him to pray…help you air things out? 🙂 You know we are pulling for you!!!!

  4. A very capable friend said this yesterday, about hiring an employee: “It’s something in my gut – I don’t know what it is, but something doesn’t feel right – I don’t want to work with him until I know what it is.”

    ONE OPTION you have is to take the time you need to enter marriage with joy and confidence. Only YOU hear Christ within you, and the songs of your own heart. If it takes more than 3 days or 3 months, you are worth whatever time it does take…to settle, to hear…to trust yourself…to be confident you can deal effectively with the things you know, for starters….and the unknowns to come. You are young. MANY others have had cold feet. Everyone will be OK if you need more time, or change your mind.

    Or if you don’t. 😉

    Blessings! Diane

    • You know this comment has been so helpful – my gut instinct is telling me things will be ok and I’m making a great decision getting married. It’s my stress and over thinking which is causing me to panic and feel cold footed! I’m very glad I realised this, thank you 🙂

  5. I mentioned your post to my wife and our heart goes out to you. I know abuse can be very traumatic and linger for a long time. On a very practical level, there are some good therapy methods that are proven to take away those strong feelings that are tied in with the past abuse. if you are interested, check out http://www.emdr.org. That’s my initial thought. I want to be careful and sensitive and not come across as if I know it all. I’m praying for you.

  6. Pingback: How I Stopped Worrying about Marriage | Hope Blooms in Darkness

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