Expecting the Worst and Terrified of Good News

So, yesterday was the first time my Dad has been home in a year, he’s in hospital for chronic depression and the last 6 years have been tough. To read a bit more check out my post from yesterday here.

I had no idea how it would go, and I was nervous, scratch that I was plain scared of what may happen to him emotionally when he came back.

It went well. I mean REALLY well! He wasn’t stressed by the small things which would have sent him over the edge, he was laughing, he even helped me make some of my invitations for my wedding. WOW how blessed were we yesterday! Yet I found myself reacting very strangely…

I was comfortable when I expected it to go wrong, yet when how well it went sunk in I suddenly became terrified deep, deep inside.

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Why would someone become terrified of good news? I think it’s because they fear the fall back to where they were before.

I love the feeling of having my Dad back, someone to protect me and care about me and not someone for me to worry about; yet the thought that I may have to go through the emotions of loss that I face when he has a turn for the worse make me want to run away from the good situation and the possibility of pain.

I have been told in the past that this is not trusting God. I disagree. This is a normal reaction to trauma and suffering and I know I couldn’t stop it if I tried. What matters is what I do with my reaction, and that I trust God with my actions.

I believe that it is not your emotional reactions to life which show your faith and character – it’s the actions you chose to live out once your reaction has surfaced.

So here are the actions I am chosing today…

  • To be thankful for the fact my Dad is alive! This is a miracle
  • To forgive myself for being afraid, that’s what Jesus has done
  • To remember the good times from yesterday and treasure them no matter what happens tomorrow
  • To think about the promises that God has for my future – they are awesome!
  • To stop myself preparing for the worst case scenario and leave Jesus in control

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/matador_snaps/170482672/”>JoséPedro</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>

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12 thoughts on “Expecting the Worst and Terrified of Good News

  1. I agree. How we react definitely shows our trust in God. Afterall, it takes time to trust again. Something I have noticed when God changes circumstances and people in my life is the reality of “who am I if this isnt the normal anymore?”. This also helps me be productive with my thoughts and not consumed with negative worry.

  2. What a beautiful gift you were given in yesterday’s events! I remember that you were sad he couldn’t walk you down the aisle. Well, even if he won’t be able to do that, at least he was able to take part by helping you with the invitations yesterday. So he is part of your wedding after all. I’m so blessed by this entry! Enjoy every moment you have with him. ((Hugs))

    • Yes it was so good to see him yesterday, far better than I expected! And in fact the chances of him being able to walk me down the ailse are much higher now 🙂 I’m not getting my hopes up too high that he will though, just putting my hopes in Jesus to bring me through no matter what! Thank you for commenting/remembering/praying 🙂

  3. Amen and amen! My mom was just put in a behavioral health unit so I totally understand the emotions that encompass the situation. She’s been in and out of behavioral health for a while now with chronic depression/manic episodes. Thank you for sharing your heart on the matter. It helps me to know, “I am not alone.” 🙂

    • You are not alone. I know how isolated you can feel when there aren’t other people around you who have been through the same thing. I will be praying for you and I know that God can comfort you through this as he done the same for me. I will be here as well though – if you ever wanted to talk

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