So, yesterday was the first time my Dad has been home in a year, he’s in hospital for chronic depression and the last 6 years have been tough. To read a bit more check out my post from yesterday here.
I had no idea how it would go, and I was nervous, scratch that I was plain scared of what may happen to him emotionally when he came back.
It went well. I mean REALLY well! He wasn’t stressed by the small things which would have sent him over the edge, he was laughing, he even helped me make some of my invitations for my wedding. WOW how blessed were we yesterday! Yet I found myself reacting very strangely…
I was comfortable when I expected it to go wrong, yet when how well it went sunk in I suddenly became terrified deep, deep inside.
Why would someone become terrified of good news? I think it’s because they fear the fall back to where they were before.
I love the feeling of having my Dad back, someone to protect me and care about me and not someone for me to worry about; yet the thought that I may have to go through the emotions of loss that I face when he has a turn for the worse make me want to run away from the good situation and the possibility of pain.
I have been told in the past that this is not trusting God. I disagree. This is a normal reaction to trauma and suffering and I know I couldn’t stop it if I tried. What matters is what I do with my reaction, and that I trust God with my actions.
I believe that it is not your emotional reactions to life which show your faith and character – it’s the actions you chose to live out once your reaction has surfaced.
So here are the actions I am chosing today…
To be thankful for the fact my Dad is alive! This is a miracle
- To forgive myself for being afraid, that’s what Jesus has done
- To remember the good times from yesterday and treasure them no matter what happens tomorrow
- To think about the promises that God has for my future – they are awesome!
- To stop myself preparing for the worst case scenario and leave Jesus in control
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/matador_snaps/170482672/”>JoséPedro</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>