Firstly, let me tell you, I once WAS a doormat, I know what it means to be a doormat and I am not a doormat now. A doormat knows they are being abused and they let it happen out of fear, low self-esteem and sometimes just for the attention they get from the abuser (that was my experience anyway, and I know that this is by no means true for everyone).
I have changed so much since those years of being controlled, manipulated and choosing not to fight back. Being an emotional doormat is an awful place to be, and I think the term doormat isn’t the most sensitive way of describing it either if I’m honest!
What I have the main problem with, however, is when I am called a doormat for making a conscious decision to do things my fiance’s way.
I agree that in some of these situations he is not “right”, and his course of action is certainly not the way I would do something, but instead of moaning, pouting and shouting like my friends tell me to, I do something else. I go along with his decision (without complaining!). If there comes a time when I’ve explained my reasoning and it’s still important to him, I do what he’s asking me to do, I stand up for him when others criticize him and I trust that if it’s important to him then there’s a reason he’s making this call.
He is an amazing man who loves me so well, and for me a massive part of returning that love is respecting the wisdom he has; even when I don’t agree.
This has happened about 3 times in our whole 3 years together, because he wants my opinion and wants to make me happy so most of the time we do end up agreeing. Living this way makes me happy, because it’s my decision and my way of showing love – It does not make me a doormat.
A doormat has no choice who’s shoes are wiped on it, a doormat has no mind. The way I live might mean that I end up with the dirt of someone else’s decision clogging up my life – but that is because I’m choosing to let it be there.
I’m no doormat when I’m chosing to wash his feet – I’m being a follower of Jesus.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/theenmoy/8587980051/”>Theen …</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>