I love blood and guts. I love biology and I love the way our bodies are made. I’m the kind of person who will be moved by the inner workings of a kidney far more than a sunset. I chose to study biomedical science at uni because I see God in our blood and guts – strange but true.
My last few posts have been what some may define as moany/dramatic and that’s because some blood and guts have hit me in the face (almost literally but mostly metaphorically!). My fiance, who’s been struggling with chest pain for months, is finally being treated for a collapsed lung (hence the title of the post) and after many trips to A&E and appointments and x-rays he is still stuck in a hospital chained to a bed by a tube in his chest. A ten minute painless, yeah right, procedure turned into a two-hour long, morphine endured, knitting needle stab of the lung. It was the most horrific thing I have ever watched and am blown away by the way my fiance dealt with the pain, bravest man I know – just saying!
In between the working and the visiting, the worrying and keeping everyone up to date these last few weeks, I am exhausted (hence the coffee!). I have found it really, really hard and have been dealing with things myself which were deep, deep from my past. Through this I have realised that maybe I can see God in this chest drain too.
At some point my fiance’s lung collapsed, we’re not too sure why, and for months he lived with 70% lung function. He managed, but his life was affected by the things he couldn’t do and the constant pain he was in. The day came when the drs decided enough was enough and although it was incredibly painful they knew they had to get in there and fix the issue.
Had I been living with 70% function as well? Had my past experiences of illness, hospitals and loosing my loved ones started to affect my everyday life in the things I couldn’t do and that pain that I was in? YES. In his astounding wisdom I believe God has been using the physical situation of my fiance’s illness to emotionally do the same thing to me. To get in there and fix it for me, and even though I am in pain I truly believe, and can see, that God is sorting me out!
Wow – I mean talk about practicing the two become one thing before we are even married!
God is SO GOOD and although last week I was posting about His goodness without understanding it in regards to this situation now I think I can see further than my humanness would choose to, and I’m seeing into the Kingdom of God waging its battle against the darkness in my life.
THIS is why I’m praising!
Does it feel good having a chest drain? No. Does it feel good facing old wounds? No. Is it worth it? Yes. My God is so very good.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/cataniamichele/2855661699/”>Michele Catania</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>