These last few weeks for me have been HARD. The kind of up in the air, hospital visits, yo-yo-ing emotions, watching someone you love in extreme pain kind of hard.
People, I want to be honest about this, my worst fears have been happening in front of me.
In light of other people’s struggles what I have had happen these last few weeks are nothing. Honestly, they are a walk in the park compared to other people’s lives that I know of.
But for me this is the crunch-point. This is the one too many things going wrong, one too many sleepless nights, one too many nightmares coming back to haunt me kind of moment.
All the defences I learnt to use, all the coping mechanisms, all the catch phrases of God that I used as bubble wrap against the world have popped, broken and stopped working.
These situations have burrowed deep to the core of me and I FEEL BROKEN!
I don’t understand and my emotions are fighting to take control of me and I can see that I, in and of myself, have lost control.
In this place I see a choice and a challenge.
That challenge is God. Do you know Him? Have you loved Him your whole life? Have you only ever known the name as a curse word? It doesn’t matter what you know of God, this desolate place in anyones life brings the mighty challenge of what do we make of God?
Are you angry at Him? Are you clinging to trust Him? Do you hate Him? Would you spit in His face???
The challenge to me, and to you, is how to handle God in this situation. The challenge is to face Him, even if that is just to shout in His face.
You heard. If you are angry with God, show it. If you are depressed, show it. If you are sad, show it.
I am not a Christian who will tell you to become a robot and change your emotions. I am a Christian who knows how big my God is, big enough to take any abuse from us, willing to take pain from us. AS LONG at it let’s Him into our lives.
Bring your true opinion, self and life to God, no matter what that means.
This is my challenge today.
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