New Flat!

Before I say anything else I just have to tell you all how amazing my God is. A week ago we received the keys to our new flat and we can totally and utterly say that this is a direct answer to prayer.

Let me set the scene for you….

When I was 18 I made the choice not to go to the university I wanted to go to but to stay at home and help my family whilst my Dad was ill in hospital. I think I made this choice more out of fear of what would happen if I let go than out of genuine selflessness but I made the choice none the less. The way that I coped with staying at home was that I would tell people when I move out I will move out FOR GOOD, I wouldn’t end up back at my parents house after uni like most of my friends.

After uni I settled down into any job I could find, not well paid but full time and I saved and I saved and I saved hoping to move out, but I kept finding that the rent in my area was far too high on my salary, so disappointingly I had to stay at home.

I battled and battled with this until eventually I let all my expectations go and just kept saving, I stopped planning or worrying, I just trusted Him that I was in the right place for me.


Skip forward a year and me and my fiancé are praying about where to live once we were married and we decided that realistically we would need to move away so that he could find a job in a cheaper area. We both felt like we were in the right place however and that we didn’t want to leave, so we prayed for God to show us if He wanted us to stay. We were hoping for a job or a prophetic word to show us but it was a faint hope.

The next week we had news of an inheritance that we had no idea about – more than enough for us not just to rent but to put a deposit down on a small flat where we live! Gobsmacked we realised God could do SO MUCH more than we could ever hope or dream or pray.

So today I’m posting up a picture of our amazing view and I want the whole world to know that God still answers prayer, still does miracles and still provides today!


Insensitive Christians

I once wrote a post about how we as Christians can be disgustingly insensitive and today I find myself fuming again about the way “Christians” act.

I work for a Christian Organisation helping vulnerable people. Sounds pretty selfless right? Wrong.

I have learnt it is ten times easier to TALK in a way that seems Godly than ACT that way.

The selfless part of looking after vulnerable people comes from your actions, NOT what you tell people you are doing. The selfless part comes from getting in the mess. Vulnerable people are messy, emotionally and physically in the case I am talking about. The people I work with will never be able to give anything back to the people who care for them.

My blood boils when I see someone who is claiming to work for Jesus, and dedicating their time for Him, yet at the same time is lying to staff, over critical and ignoring the vulnerable people around them. It makes me so angry to see a “Christian” shut the door on someone talking to them because “they won’t be able to remember it”, or lying about their mistakes because they don’t want to take the blame, or favouring those who can give you something back and scorning those who can’t.

If you are a Christian that means you follow CHRIST. You try to act like Jesus, you try to care about what He cares about, you live to try to please Him because you love Him and it starts to break your heart to do anything else. Just because you have called yourself a Christian for half a decade it does mean you follow Him.

How you act towards the people who would never be able to give you any praise shows who you are following.

Your actions not your words are what show your character – I am fed up of Christian Hypocrites! We aren’t perfect yet so lets stop talking like we are and acting like we don’t even have to try to be.


It’s been a long time since my last post – life and wedding and flat buying have stolen my brain. Happy, fun, exciting but DRAINING TIMES.

Today I’m trying to get my head around promotion – promotion God’s way.

It seems to me that it’s when we get to a place of complete tired-to-the-bone, energy-depleted, the-full-realisation-that-you-can’t-do-this-alone-place that God suddenly gives you more to do.

I found myself running on empty recently and I said to God – “this is enough! I can’t do this by myself, I’ve been proud and stuck up and now I need your help. I need your humbleness and to be like you!”. I wanted to be banished to a cave to get my bad behaviour out and to focus on God and not my “prestige and position”. I wanted to stay in the shadows because I fully realise how I just don’t deserve what God has given me so far. I wanted to step down because my behaviour is BAD, my attitude STINKS and I’m so blooming UNGRATEFUL!


The last thing I excepted was a God-promotion. Why here in my weakness? In my knowledge of that weakness. Why promote me now?

Because in my weakness He is strong. He uses the weak to shame the wise. I have no doubt in my mind that it is GOD who will do this through me because I know I am not enough.

Father, keep me depending on you. Kill my pride dead. Reignite my prayers. Be my everything.

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How I Stopped Worrying about Marriage

Firstly, thank you so much everyone who has commented on my posts about cold feet and dreading my wedding. Your support has overwhelmed me and helped me more than I can say. Thank you!


So, how am I feeling about my marriage now? Nervous, I am almost 2 months away (I am sure that’s normal!), but I am also feeling peaceful, because I saw where my problems where coming from. For my best effort at describing this I would ask you to read this post here (puppets) if you haven’t already, I’d let things in my life lie dormant in me, ready and waiting to take control of my emotions and sabotage my life.

My first piece of advice if you are worrying over something – go back and pray about things in your past. Don’t dwell or chew over things, but quickly and calmly give them over to God again, let Him cut the ties from your past. Leave them with Him there.

Stop thinking what you are thinking and think about what God says. Seriously, even if you don’t agree with what the bible is saying think about it anyway. Whether or not you understand God is always right. Here’s my example – “Rejoice in the Lord always” I find this hard, confusing and it feels a bit fake – but when I think about the verse and mull it over in my mind it seems to settle my emotions down – so even without agreement God is working through His word. Amazing!

When you know what God wants you to do don’t doubt it – just trust Him and move towards doing it. I took a lot of time to pray and think about if marriage was the right way for me to go at this time in my life and He said yes, strongly, clearly and peacefully. I then started re-evaluating my decisions and that’s where my problems came. Once God says something to you – don’t let the doubts play havoc with your mind!

So here I am calm, peaceful and excited about my marriage! Good bye cold feet🙂

Anyway, the main point of this post is to say thank you to all of you who took the time to comment, contact me and pray for me. It has been amazing and helped me so much!

photo credit: Tim Forbes via photopin cc

God and High Heels


What does God think about High Heels?

This was the question I was asking myself this morning whilst thinking about something I learnt in Sunday School. (For you American readers I don’t mean the adult bible study kind of Sunday School – I mean the English, kids songs, kids games and messy craft “for children” type of Sunday School – cos I’m that kind of girl!).

I led a session on “Shoes of Peace” the other week and I will admit at first that I had no idea what to teach them – so I quickly tried my best to work out what this meant to me before ending up seriously confusing them.

To me, being peaceful comes from spending time with, thinking about and TRUSTING God. When I do this I find I get an amazing feeling of “preparedness”. Like I can handle almost anything. As if I had a good pair of fit-for-purpose shoes on.

So, this here is what I imagined God’s idea of good shoes to look like….


Kind of ugly, functional sandals – most probably worn with socks😉.

To be honest they don’t thrill me! I know this is a metaphor for “the armour of God” and maybe I shouldn’t read too much into it, but looking like a soldier doesn’t quite do it for me.

Let me take you back to my Sunday School session – that week we tipped over the edge of madness, we went from fun into the realm where parents start to *ahem* gently question your methods (whoops! Maybe we shouldn’t have created a slip hazard in the middle of the church hall – flour, water + bare feet = bruised bottoms!).

Anyway, another one of my ideas was to do a small obstacle course whilst wearing inappropriate shoes to see how hard it was, we had size 12 trainers on a 5 yr old and a pair of my high heels. To my surprise the heels went down a storm! The usually butch and boisterous boy became a sashaying super model as he deftly moved through the obstacle course.

I was wondering why I couldn’t walk that well in heels and if maybe I had got my thinking wrong about the armour of God.

Maybe for some people our shoes of peace look like this….


What if in being peaceful and clothing ourselves with the essence of God we start to grow in beauty? What if, in those of us made to be this way, our armour of God shows itself in dignity, elegance, gracefulness and that elusive “WOW factor” most women would LOVE to have.

Here are my verses to prove the point…

Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!” Proverbs 31:25

“Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

We become beautiful by knowing and loving Jesus – yet we can lose our relationship with Him if we rely on our beauty and not completely on God….

“But you trusted in and relied on your own beauty and were unfaithful to God and played the harlot [in idolatry] because of your renown, and you poured out your fornications upon anyone who passed by [as you worshiped the idols of every nation which prevailed over you] and your beauty was his.” Ezekiel 16:15

Here’s how this has changed my world… When I look at magazines I feel rubbish, when I watch TV I feel inadequate, when I compare myself with the world I always come up short (in more ways than one – I am not a tall person!). I am not beautiful in that worldly way. Yet, I am beautiful through Jesus Christ and the peace he gives me. I am more than enough for my husband to-be, because Jesus is my covering and He knows how I am made.

Ladies let’s get our pretty shoes of peace on!

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photo credit: Lauren Close via photopin cc

Where are you Standing

Yesterday in church I was praying about how I’m struggling with not knowing if I will have anywhere to live in September when I get married. My mind went back to my post last week. It’s a fairly dramatic post and probably quite immature.

You see I have a problem with dramatics – I like a good disaster.

I love the rush of adrenaline and pride of “look what I am going through!”. It is so wrong, it is so immature and just plain unhelpful. After my buzz of life shattering panic (much like a sky dive – exhilarating in it’s danger) I am left empty, dangling on a bungee cord, swinging back and forth in some deep ravine, helpless and stuck. Feeling depressed and exhausted.


I saw a picture of myself on Sunday in church. Standing around in filth and rubbish, rubbing it on my skin, smelling all it’s foulness, focusing on the rot and mould around me.

Then I saw a picture of what God wanted to offer me – a clear crisp waterfall, to clean me, strengthen me and refresh me.


This is what I learnt – if I want to feel God’s power, if I want to experience His refreshment and joy, I have to move away from basking in my problems. I cannot be calm in a situation if I study my problems in such detail! I can’t get clear perspective if I am consumed with looking at all that could go wrong.

I need to think about and focus on God, I need to read His instructions for troubles and then I need to LIVE by them, not just forget them.

I need to put the rubbish down, stop standing in it and do what God tells me to do – Trust Him absolutely.

I need to stand in God’s truth.

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photo credit: andywon via photopin cc

Homeless, Broke or Burnt alive?


My string of panic inducing, unpredicted, could-be disasters took another turn yesterday.

9 weeks to our wedding and a dodgy fire certificate means we can either pull out of the sale, losing our legal fees and ending up homeless. Or at least at the mercy of any friends and family who’ll take pity. Or we can pay for the work ourselves and end up broke (who needs food anyway right?). Or we can leave ourselves at severe risk if a fire were to start. Without a shred of insurance cover and a lot of debt….

What would you choose?

More importantly how would you react? Like me with fear, anxiety and fleeting thoughts of depression?

As I was praying and at the end of my seriously worn tether I asked God what was going on.

What I heard wasn’t really what I wanted to hear!

This is not the most unstable your life will feel, things will be less secure and far more stressful later – so I need you to learn to deal with it now!


But Lord that is difficult! I want to cry and snap and flounce around getting sympathy. I want someone to be angry at!

My plans are put on hold so I have a right to act badly!

Oh. Hello pride….. That’s not a good attitude is it?

Sorry lord help me trust you. Help me learn. Make me humble. Make me grateful – I am so much better off than most in the world. Lord you know how lazy and proud I am, please forgive me. Teach me your way through this.

God is a safe place to hide,

ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,

courageous in sea storm and earthquake, Before the rush and roar of oceans,

the tremors that shift mountains.

Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

Psalm 46:1-2